:::Ken "Hawk" Harrelson Unofficial Website:::

Blame it on the Hawk

Well, while the playoff ouster was disappointing, 2008 was a successful season for the White Sox. The real disaster was in the booth. At least Steve Stone will join the beaked one on the TV side next year. I guess the hefty paycheck is worth it. Let's hope DJ never even sets foot in that radio booth.

Thank you Baseball Gods...

...for securing the Game 3 victory. Surely we can drink from the cup on a Monday too. Game 4 at 4:07 today...another White Sox winner!

This is the day...

...that the baseball Gods have made. Let us rejoice and be glad. The Sox will win today in Chi-town.

"When's the last time you...

shit YOUR pants?" Hall of Famers shit their pants too. Maybe that's why Hawk Harrelson does not. He routinely comments on his anus during broadcasts, saying, "my behind was so tight you couldn't pull a greased tee from it." That's most likely because any feces he may temporarily store comes spewing out his mouth. See Hawkisms. Comcast must go through microphones like toilet paper.

Breaking News: Mariotti Leaving Chicago!

That bastard Jay Mariotti is finally leaving town! We can only hope The Hawk flies with him to continue their childish feud.

Link to Ozzie and Hawk's Reaction
Link to Chicago Sun-Times Announcement
Link to Chicago Tribune Article

Hawk Tackles Umpire

Picture from a recent issue of The Heckler.

Press

A little press from the Indiana Statesman.

Top Chicago Broadcasters

The Sun-Times reviewed Chicago's sports broadcasters. There's no surprise to where Hawk and DJ end up.

Link to Article

And It Stoned Me

Steve Stone to join Ed Farmer on the radio side. Too bad he didn't replace DJ.

Happy Holidays!

On sabbatical in Hawaii hanging with my life coach, Miloshev (pictured above).

Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm thankful I didn't have to listen to the Hawk today. Good grief.

Uribe Snubbed in MVP Voting

Don't you love how the voters snubbed Juan Uribe and just handed Alex Rodriguez another American League MVP?

And then Magglio Ordonez goes and gets 2 first place votes. I mean, what did he do that was so awesome?

Tummy Time

Good to be back...and KU is 10-0!

Rock Chalk Jayhawk.

Buddy Ball

Buddy Ryan would not be impressed with the 2007 version of the Bears, who are 3-5 at the halfway mark.

Wonder if Lovie has ever talked 46 Zone with Buddy...a couple of guys named Buddy and Lovie would get on famously, no?

Rock Chalk Jayhawk

Hail to thee, my alma mater...8-0.

"BEARSSS"

What a game winning drive on Sunday. It woke me from a drooly slumber.

Brian Griese has dedicated the win to the family members of victims of the 2003 Chicago meatwave.

"Brick Wall Hijinx"

Take a gander at rockandrollconfidential.com, a collection of douchey band photos accompanied by rather solid commentary.

Who knew the brick wall was so rock 'n' roll?

"Baseballs...

has been very very good to me."

Sanchez would later change his name to Borat Sagdiyev.

Karko

Had a dream last night that I was eating nachos with Ron Karkovice...I was still hungry though because he kept blocking the plate.

Then we went to the batting cages and worked on his swing for a bit.

Pudge

Watching playoff baseball at Fenway over the weekend reminded me of Carlton Fisk.

The BoSox may want to bring Fisk out of retirement should they bring the series back home.

Game 3 tonight in Cleveland. 6:10 CT on Fox.

Devin Hester

Best kick returner ever. Think he's not?

He now has 8 career TD returns...and he has only played in 22 games.

That doesn't count his 108 yard TD return of a missed field goal last year either.

Unified Front

FYI: After Chicago fans, we receive the most mail from fans in Boston and Cleveland, respectively.

The Hawk played in both cities and, while fans in these cities didn't necessarily hate him as a player, they are routinely dismayed at what a douche he has become behind the mic.

The Sports Machine

Rumor has it the original Sports Machine is down in George Michael's basement.

Wonder if we could borrow it and, "through the use of the Sports Machine," heave the Hawk this weekend.

Mookie Wilson...

...is, indeed, African-American (see last post).

Game 6

Dig this "R.B.I. Baseball" reenactment of the 10th inning of Game 6 of the 1986 World Series.

I had no idea Mookie Wilson was Caucasian...I'll have to dig up an old baseball card to confirm my suspicions.

How 'bout the call by Vin Scully? Talk about a baseball announcer who doesn't suck.

Harry Caray

I'm sick of people saying how awesome Will Ferrell's Harry Caray impression is...because it sucks.

Harry, himself, would be disgusted...if he could be.

Listen below to Jim Volkman, the real Harry Caray impersonator, on the Kevin Matthews Show in the early 90's.

Sweep

D-backs stroke it to Chicago's National League Ballclub.

D-backs Take Opener

Arizona up 1-0 in NLDS.

Lou Piniella, on why he pulled Zambrano after only 85 pitches, "I'm bringing back a pitcher on three days' rest on Sunday, and I took a shot with my bullpen."

Who says the Cubs are playing on Sunday?

"Mercy"

72-90...and an off-season full of questions.

Will Hawk retire?

Will DJ pack up the paraphernalia and head back to Japan?

'Friggin' A!

DJ is part homer and part homeslice in this clip.

Let's try a sentence with "friggin."

DJ's vocabulary is so "friggin" vast!

It might work with "frickin" or "freakin" too...not really sure.

"I say, Son...I...I say, Son..."

Foghorn Leghorn speaks more clearly than Hawk on a Friday night in Baltimore last season.

Listen to him call the double play to end the inning. Seriously...it's a double play.

"Am I part of the disease?"

Just want to make sure you are aware that Rex Grossman listens to Coldplay before games. Yes, the NFL games for the Chicago Bears...not out in the backyard with his buddies.

Jeez. No wonder.

Giants Toss Bonds Aside

Future AL DH.

100% Organic

Had some e-love for Nancy Faust in the inbox today and some respect for the great instrument of the church, in general.

Over half of the 30 major league ballparks still feature a live organist. Support your local organ grinder.

Nancy Faust

Once named Sports Illustrated's MVO (Most Valuable Organist), Nancy has seen her playing time dwindle in recent years so that Sox fans can hear more "canned music."

Do yourself a favor and listen to what a ballpark is supposed to sound like.

Ecko Base

Looks like Marc Ecko is trying to put the human back in Human Growth Hormone.
Muy interesante.

Juice Bars

Wonder if he'll "autograph any balls" in jail.

500!

Jim Thome joins the 500 HR club.

Table For One

Curt Schilling, a.k.a. "Table for One," squares off against Roger Clemens tonight on Sunday night baseball.

I'm no Yankee fan, but this guy is a jag's jag, if ya know what I mean.

He campaigned for Dubya in 2004...and get a load of the moustache on this '89 Donruss.

"Gettin' It Done"

Ever notice how Darrin Jackson uses the phrase, "gettin' it done" pretty much any time he is trying to think of a verb?

This '89 Topps card illustrates how Darrin "got it done" back in the day. DJ hit a robust .259 in the minor leagues and his picks to click in 1989 were music and cars.

Mother Glove Bone

Anyone read this crap a few weeks back?

The best part: "[Mickey] Mantle had the clubhouse guy go buy a couple of dozen red All-Star golf gloves because that was the color I was wearing the day before. They all had red golf gloves, and that's how the hitting glove got started."

Now THAT, my friends, is "BS." Does he expect us to believe for one second that Mickey Mantle wanted to emulate him?

Too bad the Mick is no longer with us. I'd like to see him groove a few beers, push the Hawk around a little bit, and then piss on his forehead.

Ease Their Pain

Heave the Hawk.

Tony La Russa

Fired by the Hawk in 1986.

He's only been to the World Series 5 times since then...no big deal.

Another sweet move by the ol' Hawkeroo.

Worst GM Ever

So he becomes the General Manager of the White Sox in 1986 and the first thing he does is put his own stupid face on the cover of the schedule. Not Carlton Fisk. Not Harold Baines. Not even reigning Rookie of the Year, Ozzie Guillen.

This has to be unprecedented. If anyone knows of a GM branding promotional materials with his own face, please come forth with the information.

Better yet, if anyone knows what kind of dirt Harrelson has on Jerry Reinsdorf, the Sox listening audience has a right to know. This affects them too, damnit.

There is no explanation, other than said dirt, as to why the Hawk came BACK to Chicago to "announce" the games.

"Millleeerrrrr Liiiittteee!!!"

Best Beer Man on the South Side, hands down. Wonder if he'll pee his pants for the Brewers next time he works at Miller Park.

I'll shit mine if the Sox fire Hawk. I swear to Baby Jesus.

"That's BS"

A spirited and focused tantrum by the Hawk, but alas, he is wrong again.

He definitely has "never seen this" and also thinks it is "BS."

Check out the second "That's BS" around the 5:37 mark.

Wow.

A "Special" Player

'71 Topps.

The Hawk hit .199 that year.

Douchebag Double Stack

"Cinch it up and hunker down."

-Ken Harrelson

Force Play

Ass Hole City; population...this guy

Yes, Heave the Hawk is keeping up with the Joneses and doin' it bloggystyle. Hit up HtH for, get this, DAILY content about the world's worst baseball broadcaster, his talentless partner, and other things hilarious and awesome...no big deal.

See you tomorrow!

-Wallace Parnell